guilt?

[The NY Gecko]

This story gets really personal and has to do with relationships, warning placed for those who dont wish to see this kind of stuff.




I just got back from a friends house, not more than 20 minutes ago. there were 5 of us, 3 girls, me, and my best friend. It had been a fun few hours, till about 11/11:30 and we all started just loafing. 2 of the girls were asleep. I was laying on the couch and a girl lays on me. Me and her have had feelings for each other for the past 2 months about. Rather difficult situation and theres alot of background to it, but that doesnt really matter at this moment. Long story short she has a bf that goes to the same school as her. I live about 2 towns away but she happens to be best friends with one of my best friends (one of the girls there) So she fell asleep and about a half hour later she wakes up and we just kinda layed there and talked. Inevitably the usual happens and we kiss. Uh oh. I know I'm not the one that cheated but I can't help but feel guilty, I knew she had a boyfriend. Oddly enough I've met him and me and him disagree, but that doesn't make me feel any better. I still feel bad. My question is, should I feel bad about all this? I already do but a part of me says the guilt isnt deserved. HELLLLPPPPP.

 

[Grinning Geckos]

I'd say feeling guilty is a reasonable reaction. Yes, technically she's the one cheating. You had a choice to either refuse to participate, or to be a part of it. Sounds like you chose to participate despite knowing you shouldn't...and that's why you're feeling guilty. Next time it happens (as I'm sure it will come up again), you get to make the same choice - take the route that leaves you feeling good in the long run (the pleasure of a kiss is temporary). When she gets upset and asks what's up (and she will), tell her SHE needs to make a choice. It's not fair of her to knowingly put you in a bad situation. If she's truly interested in you she shouldn't have a problem understanding why you don't want to be the other guy.

 

[brandy101010]

I'd say feeling guilty is a reasonable reaction. Yes, technically she's the one cheating. You had a choice to either refuse to participate, or to be a part of it. Sounds like you chose to participate despite knowing you shouldn't...and that's why you're feeling guilty. Next time it happens (as I'm sure it will come up again), you get to make the same choice - take the route that leaves you feeling good in the long run (the pleasure of a kiss is temporary). When she gets upset and asks what's up (and she will), tell her SHE needs to make a choice. It's not fair of her to knowingly put you in a bad situation. If she's truly interested in you she shouldn't have a problem understanding why you don't want to be the other guy.

Agreed :main_yes:

 

[The NY Gecko]

Thank you

 

[Golden Gate Geckos]

I think if the situation was reversed and it was your girlfriend with another guy, then you would have to ask yourself, "Who was the one cheating?" Actually, it was both of them! Betrayal of trust is a hard thing to forgive, and feeling guilt is our conscience telling us we did something wrong.

 

[The NY Gecko]

The only thing that I can find in this that isnt too bad is that I dont like the kid shes dating, obviously not one of my friends, aside from that i feel like the horses rear.

 

[BalloonzForU]

Tom,

At least you feel like a horses rear. That shows that you aren't such a bad guy, to feel the guilt of doing something wrong. I agree with what Shanti said, be open with the girl about feeling that it's not right for you to be the "Other Guy". But at the same time, do you want to be "The Guy" that she may do this same thing to in the future? Look at both sides.

 

[eyelids]

I say karma will catch up to you. If you're honest she'll let the other guy go, but if not you'll get herpes or mono...

 

[The NY Gecko]

Its been hammered out. Shes staying with him and im gunna get outta dodge.

 

[shrap]

It is probably for the best Tom. Speaking from experience, if she would fool around on him with you, she would likely fool around on you with someone else.

 

[The NY Gecko]

Its highschool, doesnt mean anything. At least it shouldnt mean as much as people make it out to be. I'm always happier when I'm not thinking about someone else. I know eventually itll change, but right now I'm gunna try as hard as possible to avoid intimate relationships with the female race.

 

[wilomn]

Shrap has the right of it.

However, you Tom, are also guilty of cheating.

You have justified it to yourself, saying she started it, yet it was you who let another guys girlfriend lie on top of you. It was you who kissed another guys girlfriend.

Just because you weren't strong enough to say no, does not it's her fault alone.

I'll go out on a limb here and guess at a title had it been YOUR girlfriend who had fallen asleep on another guy and then kissed him, "my girlfriend is a lying slut, what do I do?''

It's not easy, but you DO know right from wrong.

 

[The NY Gecko]

Shrap has the right of it.

However, you Tom, are also guilty of cheating.

You have justified it to yourself, saying she started it, yet it was you who let another guys girlfriend lie on top of you. It was you who kissed another guys girlfriend.

Just because you weren't strong enough to say no, does not it's her fault alone.

I'll go out on a limb here and guess at a title had it been YOUR girlfriend who had fallen asleep on another guy and then kissed him, "my girlfriend is a lying slut, what do I do?''

It's not easy, but you DO know right from wrong.

I have far from justified it, which is why I feel like a dirt bag. I realize I'm guilty as well. She refuses to let me but as far as I'm concerned thats too bad. I knew and messed up. Kharma will bite me in the rear sometime soon, I know it. Hope its a good one too, that way I'll learn.

 

[BalloonzForU]

I think you have learned already. You've been on both ends of this story, and know what the boyfriend would be feeling if he knew what happened, and that's why you are feeling so bad. You know what you may have or could have done to his feelings, whether you like him or not. Only human to feel bad. Just don't let it happen again.

 

[pawsfoot]

Awww. Tom high school sucks. LOL. Sorry, just glad to be out of it. Not until I heard your story did I realize how truly juvenile people in high school are. You seem to be a pretty nice guy, considering the fact that you feel like crap about something you did to someone who you really don't like (meaning her b/f). It is truly nice to see guys in high school that actually care about someone elses feelings. I think you already learned your lesson and you are paying the price by feeling like crap now. FEEL BETTER!! I'm sure there are girls out there that aren't so crappy and would value a relationship more than she did with her b/f. You just have to look for someone that is honest. GOOD LUCK!

 

[Nastynotch]

Its highschool, doesnt mean anything. At least it shouldnt mean as much as people make it out to be. I'm always happier when I'm not thinking about someone else. I know eventually itll change, but right now I'm gunna try as hard as possible to avoid intimate relationships with the female race.

thats the way i deal with my highschool relationships! ace for tom!

really it shouldnt be that big of a deal

and i always get introuble when intimate relationships are played, so ive learned to avoid them.

what your feeling is normal dude.

 

[Nastynotch]

Awww. Tom high school sucks. LOL. Sorry, just glad to be out of it. Not until I heard your story did I realize how truly juvenile people in high school are.

i know, i laugh at how juvenile i am all the time.

highschool is slightly retarded. :main_thumbsdown:

 

[Grinning Geckos]

It doesn't always mean nothing ... occasionally those High School relationships DO add up to something. I met my husband while in High School. That being said, the VAST majority of the relationships are just "practice"...they most likely won't be long term by any stretch of the imagination, but there's no reason to not try your best each time.

You're doing good by following your feelings on this one Tom. As Sammy said, it wouldn't be hard for her to go from cheating WITH you to cheating ON you. You're certainly better off.

 

[wilomn]

There is also this Tom, as I believe you would rather hear the bitter truth than have it sugar coated and despite our differences in the past I say this with all sincerety, YOU knew it was wrong from the get go but YOU were too weak to say no. THEN you tried to justify it, THEN you decided you felt guilty about it.

It's good you got to where you are now. It would have been better, and I am hopeful that in YOUR future it will, if you had siad from first contact with her, "no, you've got a boyfriend" and moved to another seat.

The thing is, I REALLY think you knew it but were looking for justification and then just to see what people would say to you.

I'm sort of cynical. You've got potential Tom, even I can see it. Now, if you'd just pay attention to that little voice, no not that one, the good one.

 

[The NY Gecko]

There is also this Tom, as I believe you would rather hear the bitter truth than have it sugar coated and despite our differences in the past I say this with all sincerety, YOU knew it was wrong from the get go but YOU were too weak to say no. THEN you tried to justify it, THEN you decided you felt guilty about it.

It's good you got to where you are now. It would have been better, and I am hopeful that in YOUR future it will, if you had siad from first contact with her, "no, you've got a boyfriend" and moved to another seat.

The thing is, I REALLY think you knew it but were looking for justification and then just to see what people would say to you.

I'm sort of cynical. You've got potential Tom, even I can see it. Now, if you'd just pay attention to that little voice, no not that one, the good one.

:main_evilgrin: :main_evilgrin: Just kidding. In all honesty wil, I wasn't looking to see what people would say. I may do some things just to grab attention and get everyone going, but this aint one of those times. I'd like to thank everyone for their input.


Bad enough I feel guilty, but as unrational as it is, I feel something for her still. In a logical world, without feelings, it would be ignorance for such a thing, but last time I took a look around, this isnt a place called perfect... CURSE THE HUMAN HEART AND ALL OF ITS ATTACHMENTS!!!!